copy cat williams sonoma peppermint bark

They’ve got bread flour at the store, you know. Why don’t I then put the toaster oven into my bathtub to finish the job?Īlso, $12 for bread mix. Maybe what I need to do is spend over $400 for the privilege of sticking a dutch oven into a toaster oven. The bread is tasty for five seconds out of the oven and then turns into a dish sponge immediately afterward. I’m not making any more fucking bread, you hear me? NEVER. It reminds me of my half-assed attempts to make homemade bread back in March when every store ran out of yeast and toilet paper.

The warm, welcoming aroma of fresh bread baking is not a gift. The warm, welcoming aroma of fresh bread baking in the best gift of all.”ĭrew says: This is a grotesque lie. ITEM #35-2028588 – WILLIAMS-SONOMA ARTISAN BREAD MIX YO DAWG I HERD YOU LIKE OVENS SO WE PUT AN OVEN IN YOUR OVENĬopy: “ARTISAN BREAD AT HOME. ITEM #35-892289 – EMILE HENRY NO KNEAD BREAD POT ITEM #35-5235432 – BREVILLE SMART OVEN AIR I wish you had given me a tub of frosting instead. Instead of putting exciting shit like chocolate chips and extra chocolate chips into a cookie, they toss scraps from a nearby cheese platter into them instead. The packet of sugar crystals (also known as “sugar”) included here better be the size of a duffel bag to make up for the flavorlessness.Ĭhocolate Chip: Butter-rich shortbread dough studded with semisweet chocolate chips.Ĭranberry: Butter-rich shortbread dough with bits of chewy dried cranberries.Īpricot: Butter-rich shortbread dough with chopped dried apricots. They exist to be decorated and not eaten. I have lived long enough to know that basic Christmas cookies are garbage. Plain: Butter-rich shortbread dough rolled in large, crunchy sugar crystals. Oh but let’s have a look at the ELITE flavors W-S is offering as an alternative: I can get a tube of Pillsbury slice-and-bakes at the Big Y for three bucks. More important, look at that price again. I could build a fucking actual-size house of cards and have it stay upright longer than that pile of cookie trash. You and I have no hope of replicating it. Those cookies have clearly been glued into place using industrial strength epoxy. ITEM #35-683594 – SLICE AND BAKE COOKIES Oh, do you not have a cookie tree?Ĭopy: “Whether your baking project is a spectacular cookie tree or a simple holiday favorite, we have just what you need for festive holiday treats.”ĭrew says: Who the fuck asked for a cookie tree? Look at that thing. Why not give the gift of SMEG instead, I say? Other people keep giving each other highly communicable lung infections this time of year.

Will there be tartan? OH YOU BETTER FUCKING BELIEVE THERE’LL BE TARTAN. Let’s you and I peruse this season’s catalog together, in the spirit of giving. Pandemic SCHMANdemic, it says! Who needs a vaccine when you can have café-quality espresso AT HOME? Only treatment I’ll ever need! It’s the only catalog in existence willing to tell the TRUTH, which is that, if you’re wealthy and ignorant enough, life never has to change. But first, take in the winter wonderland that is our fair home! Because once again, we have festooned it with goodies from the Williams-Sonoma catalog. And decorating for Christmas! Can you believe it’s already Christmas? The year has gone by so fast! One day we’re planning a debutante ball for our precious Dede, the next thing we know we’ve got a dozen charity balls to attend! I can’t even remember HOW many times we visited Randy at his vineyard this summer! Did we give you a Christmas card? Here…ĮNJOY! And have yourself a cranberry spritzer while you’re at it. Tipping five bucks to Chacho, our trusted landscaper who’s been with us FOREVER. Drinking wassail with our favorite neighbors. But we ALSO love coming back to our country estate.

We do love traveling, especially with so much extra elbow room on the plane these days. Karen said it was unlike any lobster she’d ever had whilst summering in Cape Elizabeth!Īnyway, now we’re home again. Have you ever had spiny lobster? You simply MUST try it. And we had the grandest time when we were in the tropics. Only the little people have to worry about that sort of thing. Barts! The staff at the Gustavia Hilton kept a proper distance the entire time, and they only charged us $300 a night for the room! So we don’t have the virus. And for God’s sake, take off that pesky mask already! Karen and I just quarantined for six days in St. Oh my goodness, you’re here! Welcome, welcome! Come on in.

Copy cat williams sonoma peppermint bark